Let’s not be old! Not yet, anyway.

Periodically – probably about once per decade – I write this same article. It’s mostly addressed to my contemporaries, to Boomers. I say, Let’s not be old yet, not until we really are old. I work with seniors and elders and have done so on one level or another for much of my life. I know what old is and even though I receive Medicare, I know I haven’t got there yet.

For ten years I have been teaching fitness to people over 60 – most are in their 80s, and I’ve had a really good run. But this year my students have been dying in a wave of loss that washes away one fab person after another at a rate that has our heads spinning. I have been teaching these four weekly classes of 30 students each for a decade, plus some shorter courses of dance and fitness to other groups of seniors.

It was all cool when most of the students were in their 70s and early 80s, but that was 10 years ago. Now many are well into their 80s and their 90s. Things get complicated and difficult at those ages. Because that’s old.

When you are old, your world shrinks. You lose your best friends, your siblings, your partner, and the longer you live the more isolated you become. Your doctor retires, it’s hard to climb into your claw-foot bathtub, people around you are freaking out that you are still driving.

Those of us who are in our 60s are not in that situation, at least most of us aren’t. Many of us have friends who are fighting cancer or who have lost that fight. We know contemporaries who have had hip replacements, tooth implants, and steroid shots in arthritic shoulders. But we’re still traveling and driving and in many cases working and creating, and most of our datebooks are not utterly dominated by doctor and therapy appointments.

It seems so profoundly unfair that we don’t receive an end-date when we get our birth-date. If only I knew how much time I had left, I’d have answers to a lot of questions. When I turned 65, I freaked. I figure I have 20 years left. Now I need to weigh the question of when I can stop hustling in order to just sit down and write. Twenty years are not very many years, considering how many books I want to get together and get out there. How many countries I want to visit or revisit. How many friends thousands of miles away I long to see. How many sexual and cultural and international adventures are out there for me. How much injustice I need to resist.

We aren’t old yet and if we continue letting our mood and fears spiral downward, encouraging each other to identify as old, letting the passing years dominate our thoughts, allowing our invisibility in the world to determine our self-image, then we’re going to waste the time we do have left. It’s hard. I keep having epiphanies about all the unfulfilled goals I need to let go – from achieving financial security to learning trapeze skills. But I don’t want to drag along in a depressed state of self-censorship that limits what I can do with the time I have left. There’s plenty of time to be feeble and failing, but not yet. We’re 60s people – we’re world-changers and butt kickers. Let’s keep it up. I want to live.

Comments

[sandy]

You go girl....lovely piece of writing,,,clear,strong and heart felt..brava

[Shirley Moskow]

The flip side of your attitude/argument is presented in philosopher Daniel Klein's new book "Travels with Epicurus." The 70-something-year old took time off to go to Hydra, the Greek Island in the Aegaen Sea, to assess his options. His writing is graceful, as if he is in a friendly conversation with the reader,examining what great philosophers through history have discovered about growing older. Nice read.

[Allen Young]

Love your upbeat message and endorse it 100% I am 71. I await for you to see and review "Amour," French movie about to win Acad. Award for best foreign film -- the topic is end of life and death with dignity. Tough but important film. won awards in France already.

[Sue Katz]

A couple of people, both here and on Facebook, felt I was being upbeat and mentioned that I've been downbeat the last year or so. I didn't actually mean this as upbeat - just as a reality check. Why waste our pre-elderly years being elderly when those years will catch up with us soon enough (if we're lucky). Anyway, thanks for the encouragement, my friends.

Shirley, I'll check out Klein and Allen, I have seen Amour and agree with your observations here. One of the elders I teach told the class, It's brilliant acting and very moving and no one over 60 should go and see it.

[Stephanie]

I turn 50 this year, my colleague mother’s birthday is only a month before mine, AARP has been sending me stuff in the mail for almost a year now, and most every part of my body hurts. But I’m with you, Sue. So much to write, places to visit, people to see, and adventures to make and take before we really get old.

[Jo-Lynne]

Absolutely fabulous blog!You're a rock star.

[suze]

Thanks for the thoughts Sue. Just read Julian Barnes 'Nothing to be Frightened of', lots to mull over in that.

[Sue Katz]

Thanks to everyone for writing. Stephanie, 50 is a biggie - and AARP is a disgusting insurance company. Jo-Lynne, you probably say that to all the girls!! Suze, I'll check it out.

[Joan Price]

I love this, Sue. At 69, I marvel that I'm as intellectually and emotionally vibrant as ever -- and I'm fully engaged with life.

Although I have physical problems -- arthritis, pain from an old injury, thinning bones -- I am as physically active as anytime in my life, just with different activities. For example, yesterday I did an hour of intense Pilates, then walked with a friend for another hour, and went dancing in the evening for 3 hours, sitting out only maybe 15 minutes of that time. Tonight I'll be teaching line dancing, my evening job, for 2 hours 3-4 times a week.

During the day I write books about senior sex. It's a full life indeed, and far from what I thought age 69 would be when I was young.

Yes, we're aging -- but we're not "old."

Your post deserves to be widely read. thank you.

[Sue Katz]

Joan, I must say that just reading the recitation of your day made me want to lie down and rest! You are especially amazing, but as someone who teaching senior fitness, I think it's true that the more you do, the more you CAN do. Keep kickin' butt - nothing better for the health than dancing, that's for sure. Thanks for writing, Sue

[Stephanie]

Let's Not Be Old...

It's sad, exhausting,and scary to be confronted by multiple losses/deaths. Mostly I take from your writing a heartfelt plea and reminder to live the life we have, as we are still among the living.
Having just had a lengthy email conversation with a friend in her mid-80s, I'm compelled to share an excerpt from the book, "A Good Age" by Alex Comfort (written in 1976). He says there are two kinds of aging: biological and sociogenic; the latter being the role society imposes on people regarding chronological age, i.e., ageism. His perspective was that this accounts for 75% of "age."

[Jim Greenberg]

Alert: Maudlin ramblings to follow...I knew I was aging by a subtle increase in the number of people who addressed me as "Sir." I am still working, trying to increase my physical activity level as never before (I just bought a rowing machine), and endeavoring to keep my mind stimulated. However, I cannot deny my decreased hearing or the wrong words coming out from time to time. I am determined to outlive my severely-disabled wife because it would be horrible for her without my involvement in her care. We all wonder how we will die. My best guess for myself is some kind of trauma, most likely from an auto accident. If I were really smart, I'd take the bus which is free to all senior citizens here in Pennsylvania. Otherwise, the state doesn't do crap for seniors. Sue, come visit!

[Sue Katz]

Stephanie, I totally agree with Comfort - society can make this time a good time for us or hell - and right now they seem determined to do the latter.

Jim, you seem to be doing everything that can be done to live long and prosper. I totally completely relate to what you say about trauma like car accidents. One reason I left Israel after 14 years ago was that I had not yet been killed by the maniacal drivers there and it seemed to me that my number would be up soon enough. Stay well, all of you.