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12 May 2013

Comments

eleanor roffman


Yes, dear Katzela,
as one of your adopted mothers I do not take what you say about errant mothers personally. Also, historically, there is little mention of
Julia Ward Howe, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Elizabeth Smith who advocated for peace during the first world war and encouraged all women to speak out. they celebrated mother's day as an anti-war day. So, it is not all Hallmark ! I agree, I don't appreciate the role being deified as if there is something sacred about a woman because she is a mother.

Sue Katz

Yes, that's the word I was looking for: "sacred." Thanks, luv.

Gema Gray

Rather than rail against Mother's Day, why not propose a Women's Day instead. I understand your political, feminist objections to glorifying one particular relationship in a woman's life. Let's celebrate women for all of their contributions to society. Sure. I'm in. Let's do it.

However, the fact remains that the parenting bond (biological or otherwise) is a bedrock of human existence - literally and figuratively. The importance of this relationship is manifest in the pain and trauma of those, like yourself, who did not have the privilege of being raised in a positive, nurturing environment.

Holidays are merely a way for society to officially recognize an achievement or role. The gratitude should be present all the time, but we just pick a day to make it a particular focus. Presidents Day, Valentine's Day, MLK day, Veterans' Day, and many others work the same way. That some have been high-jacked by rampant commercialism is a whole other issue and problem with society...

So I'm sorry you hate the day, and as your friend, I am saddened by the pain and unpleasantness the Holiday dredges up for you. But, used as an opportunity to show gratitude for the sacrifices, hard work, and unconditional love provided by the vast majority of caring women who fill the role of mother in another's life, I have difficulty finding fault.

For myself, I will continue to enjoy the two new bushes in my garden, and cherish the little extra kindnesses I received from my son and husband yesterday. And I'll be sure to send my own mother flowers in March when the UK celebrates Mothering Sunday. I will also attempt to feel and show my appreciation to her every other day of the year.

Katz, keep writing interesting, provocative blogs. It is your gift to the world, and I for one value it greatly - even when I don't agree with you. Hugs.

Allen Young

Your column, Sue, is basically a truthful comment, and I like it and agree with much of it. I see no reason why anyone should take offense at the truth! However, upon reading this, I am thinking back to the late 60s and early 70s when there was a certain extreme assault on the "nuclear family" coming mostly from the feminist and gay/lesbian movement. I joined in that to a certain extent. Now I feel somewhat differently. While some families are horribly dysfunctional, others are not. I know some traditional nuclear families that appear to be pretty healthy and successful. I think we need to accept diversity in such matters, including the matter of adoring one's mother -- or not. My sister and I can spend lots of time reviewing our oft-discussed critique of our mother, but we also try to recognize her good points, too. For some, there are no good points, and I respect that.

Sue Katz

Yes, there are a lot of happy, functional nuclear families - taken one by one - but the feminist critique is of the institution as an institution and the controls it imposes on its members and its place in society as a consuming and isolating unit. I have never relaxed one iota my belief that the nuclear family is a prop for capitalism, a boom for private profit (each unit needs its own appliances, for instance), and a dangerous place for children and women (don't wash your dirty linen in public).

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