When a Florida pastor in the Relevant (sic) Church told the married people in his flock to go home and hump each other every day for 30 days – the poor non-marrieds were to refrain for the month – the story got picked up widely. It was interesting to view the coverage differences.
South Africa’s “Independent Online” put a bossy spin on their headline: “Go home and have sex, pastor tells flock.” This, suggested the pastor Paul Wirth, might reinforce the ailing institution of marriage. He went on…
"Couples across America are struggling in their relationships, both married and single people… For married people it seems like the sex is great up front, but then for some reason life happens… But when you're single it's like you're always thinking about it and you're like, man I'd like to have it as much as possible. And sometimes that prevents them from having a great, healthy relationship later on when you do get married."
Excusing his mixed pronouns is the least we can do, especially when we see how much fun AP has with the headline: “Church Urges Hanky Panky Among Members.” Can’t go too wrong with that suggestion, now can ya? It certainly has a different tone from the Tampa Tribune, which went all biblical with their “Thou Shalt Canoodle, Church Says.”
Who can blame a Chinese publication for filing the story under their Odd News section? “Florida church poses sexy challenge to members” they proclaim. Odd or not, the Chinese scoop other sources with a few quotes from an engaged couple, Sarah Bassil and Tim Jones, who decided to accept their minister’s 30-day abstinence challenge. Jones admitted that it would be tough to pull off but, he explained, “I think it’s worth trying to find out other things about each other.” Wow, seems like these two have shared quite a focused passion – time to ask for each other’s last names.
The next day Dekalb County’s oldest newspaper followed their Chinese colleagues’ lead by filing the story under “Here’s More News of the Weird.” But it was Fox that jumped right in for some serious journalism. Turns out that Pastor Paul Wirth believes that, "If you look at studies, studies say in 30 days you can develop a habit.” So a month’s worth of habitual hammering will save the institution of marriage.
Except for a problem that only Fox identified: “It definitely caught wives in the church by surprise.” Like the introduction of Viagra, no one thought to ask the women about whether relentless bonking was their preferred matrimonial cure-all. “Our married people are far more fearful than our single people," Wirth admitted.
For those who want to know how this ordained month of orgasm is going, Transworld News points us to the church’s blog, which I have just visited. There we can join the fun by downloading the Guide to the 30-Day Sex Challenge and read up on what Wirth has discovered is at the root of the 50% divorce rate:
“Dirty dishes, frumpy clothes, and a lack of authentic connections are killing the romance.”
Ahh, mystery solved at last. It’s the fault of the women. Duh, why didn’t I think of that?
Back to six-word memoirs:
Man's religion,
Man's solution, Woman's subjugation.
If “[d]irty dishes, frumpy clothes, and a lack of authentic connections are killing the romance,” then let's try this...
Men in long-term committed relationships (married or otherwise), please do the following for 30 days:
** 80% of the housework.
** 80% of the child-rearing tasks.
** Continue your part-time or full-time paying job(s).
** Encourage your lady to buy some "nice" clothes.
** Spend at least 1 hour per day just chatting with your partner about anything except the kids, money, and work.
** Now, organize a romantic evening, in or out, without the kids.
There, that should do it! What? You're too exhausted after the top three to do any of the others? You can't afford to buy clothes, or go out? My, my, you're not trying very hard are you? No wonder your relationship has no romance and your "authentic connections" are lacking.
WELCOME TO YOUR WOMAN'S WORLD!
Now try adding 30 days of sex to your life and see how much better you feel. Sleep deprivation? A small price to pay for strengthening your marriage, surely. No energy after a long day? Please don't be so selfish - your partner needs you.
Sarcasm aside, I think the pastor was correct in some of his observations about relationships. But in order to add regular sex back into the mix of daily life in a long-term relationship, something else needs to give - and that something shouldn't be sleep. When men shoulder a more equal burden of the tasks of daily life, then women will feel more liberated to work on their relationships. Until then, we struggle to stay awake past the kids' bedtime.
Posted by: Gema Gray | 24 February 2008 at 08:57
Oh, and just how ironic is it that the good pastor is from the *Relevant* church!?
You just couldn't make this stuff up! :-)
Posted by: Gema Gray | 24 February 2008 at 08:59