GLBT High Schoolers Fight for the Right to Party at the Proms

When I was in high school in the mid-60s, it never occurred to lesbians and gays to go to their proms with a same-sex partner. Usually they went with their “beards” – that is, their guy/girl-pals, their heterosexual accessories. The necessity to lug around a closet under one’s taffeta prom gown was challenged in 1980 by a Rhode Island high school senior named Aaron Fricke who was determined, despite administrative refusal, to swirl around under the glitterball in the arms of his date Paul Guilbert.

Usually kids have to get permission from their parents to go to a late-night event, but in Aaron’s case, he had to get a court order. According to the ACLU, the federal court not only agreed with Aaron’s case, but warned the school that it needed to provide sufficient security for the lads.

The law remains, although so does the struggle. In March this year the Scottsboro, Alabama school board tried to keep two young lesbians from attending the junior-senior prom, but luckily Jackson County Circuit Judge John Gram nullified the ban that Saturday morning, just hours before the event. The parents and lawyers talked to the press and ran interference, while the 17-year-old donned a fetching gown and was escorted by the 16-year-old in her handsome tuxedo. As one of the lawyers said, with more sense than hope, "This is just a dance. Adults need not get involved."

I had a long talk with a 17-year-old Seattle lad named Kyle Rapinan. As a kid who was homeless for a few years (he’s with a foster family now), who is out in school and who is a leader in his school’s Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA), he has been the target of a lot of scary bullying, he told me. This has involved everything from obscenities on the school’s bathroom walls, to mean and threatening postings on social networking sites like YouTube, MySpace and Facebook.

The cyber brutality has been particularly difficult, as Kyle sees academic achievement as his one route out of a difficult life. He’s worried about the impact of all this online junk on his professional life in the future. “Getting bullied,” he said, “was really depressing. If it wasn’t for the GSA at my school, I’d go crazy.”

He took his boyfriend to his prom a couple of weeks ago, despite the harassment. In fact, as soon as they descended from the limo at the venue, someone yelled “Faggot!” I asked him why he decided to make himself so vulnerable:

“I had to show that even though they hated me and told me I didn’t belong there, I am still a student in my school. I’m a senior, and this is my prom, too. I didn’t have a lot of fun, but I felt I would regret missing this rite of passage if I didn’t go.”

But this week he made up for his discomfort at the school event by attending the Pink Prom he helped to organize with support from the adult community. He told me:

“We got a grant for $700 from King County Community Organizing for our inclusive event because it was anti-violence and anti-drug. About 160 kids attended for free and we had 21 chaperones, including people from PFLAG (Parents Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), Safe Schools Coalition, teachers from school and other supportive adults.”

From the West to the East, kids are standing up for inclusiveness. Recently, some Massachusetts gender-bending made the prom news. Last month a senior at Peabody Veterans Memorial High School, Deborah Lawson, invited her close friend – a gay guy who enjoys dressing in drag – to her prom as a substitute for her out-of-town boyfriend. The school principle said no, but when Deborah asked Fox News, of all people, to get involved, they called the Superintendent. Since the handbook says that “everyone must wear appropriate dress,” and a dress is considered appropriate for a prom, the Superintendent gave them the go-ahead. Deborah concluded: “I think what I’ve learned is that if you scream loudly enough, you’ll get what you want.”

They’re heroic in the Midwest too. This May, Mathew Pope realized his life-long dream of being elected Homecoming King. Openly gay since his freshman year, he had been aware of his sexuality since eighth grade. Matthew clearly refuses to let the very conservative atmosphere at Shawnee Mission East High School in Kansas shrivel his exuberance. He’s the only guy on the cheerleading squad, where he has been picked to be one of three co-captains. His victory against 11 other Homecoming King candidates the night of the prom was important to this sexual outsider. "It was the ultimate feeling of being accepted,” he said, “I'll be going on now for the rest of my life having that experience. Everyone accepted me, so it's really cool."

Fresno, California has its own prom history. Last month their unified school district changed their policies when Cinthia (formerly Cynthia) Covarrubias wanted to run for Prom King in a tux. He didn’t win, but building on the regulation adjustments, Crystal (Johnny) Vera, a former Homecoming Prince and yet another popular cheerleader, became the first openly transgendered student to win the title of Roosevelt High Prom Queen.

So while some things, like homophobic harassment, have not changed over the decades, at least today, young gays have a bevy of organizations out there offering help and support in navigating both school and alternative proms. For example, articles are posted on sites ranging from Lambda Legal to About.com to GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network)

BAGLY is Boston-based organization working to support GLBT youth. They are renowned for the gay proms they’ve been holding for 28 years. This year on May 10th they hosted 1500 young people at Boston City Hall, the evening of the Youth Pride march.

Grace Sterling Stowell, the Executive Director of BAGLY feels their prom especially serves transgender kids. “It’s not very common,” she told me, “for trans kids to go to their own prom in the gender identity and dress they choose.”
 
One of the other prominent national organizations supporting GLBT youth is the Safe Schools Coalition (SCC). Co-chair Beth Reis tells me that SSC has provided intervention specialists to work with individual gay kids who become targets of attacks. She recalls the brave shock jock who knows how to pick a fair fight: he called for his listeners to picket the graduation ceremony of Krystal Bennett, a lesbian who was elected Homecoming King.

Krystal, however, countered with her far more sophisticated understanding of the intersections of gender and sexuality. Although she is an out lesbian, that’s not why she ran to be prom King, she said in an interview. She did it, “because prom king is the title I’m most comfortable under. Tiaras and roses don’t suit me. I have a problem with people being forced into gender categories, and to assume that every girl wants to wear a dress and have roses makes me mad.”

The proms organized especially for gay kids are an essential alternative, Beth Reis believes. “We have an obligation as an adult community to bridge the gap until such time as every high school prom feels totally safe and every same-sex date situation there seems totally unremarkable.”

However, she admires the kids who stand up to the opposition and attend regular proms with same-sex partners. “It’s incredible that some young people have what it takes to endure sometimes brutal harassment from peers and from the community.”

What we don’t hear about, she says, are the “cases where it is absolutely no big deal, where it’s taken for granted that every child has the same access to the prom.” So now the question remains: how many GLBT kids have been able to grab their honey, wear their sparkles or cuff-links and re-claim the Village People and Donna Summers with gay abandon?

This article first appeared on AlterNet.org.

FYI: I would make the font a bit bigger, but the host of my blog is working out the kinks (not the good kind) of their new system - and font formatting is one of them, unfortunately.

Comments

[eleanor roffman]

this is a great article, addresses the issue of gender polarization as well as gay bashing. kids are learning that there is not one way to be who one is.

interestingly, schools are unsafe for most kids; sexual harassment against female students, gay bashing, and violence makes many schools unhealthy environments. the mirror they provide for our society is not a pretty picture!

teachers and administrators need to recognize this issue and teach all the responsible adults how how to be positive role models and have zero tolerance for abuse.

there are projects that do address these concerns and information that can support the implementation of healthier school environments for everyone.

thanks for bringing this to light
eleanor

[Gema Gray]

Sigh. :-(

Katz, I have been mentoring a college sophmore who has recently come out as bisexual. Her mother, ardently anti-GLBT has asked her to leave their home, so as not to "pollute" the unborn child she is carrying with her new man. Thankfully, her more enlightened grandparents are taking her in.

She was *so* excited to finally have a sibling (20 years is a long time to wait!), and it was *so* hard for her to finally admit to herself and the world that she was bisexual that she is now utterly crushed. The stress is making her ill. Beyond showing her love and acceptance and suggesting she visit the college counseling service for support, can you suggest other venues where she could get specific support?

I'm posting this in the hope that your response may serve to help others in similar circumstances.

[Sue Katz]

You make a very important point Eleanor: that schools can be wretched places for so many of our kids. (And I would say the same about other "respected" institutions, like some families and closed fundamentalist communities.) Bullying has ratcheted up to new levels via new Media, whether around sexuality, race, gender, looks - all sorts of difference.
And Gema, I'll do some research and get back to you with further resources, but BAGLY, mentioned in the article, is a local agency working with young people around sexuality. I hope your mentee can recognize that it is her mother whose ideas are polluted, not her own honest feelings.
Sue

[Dr. Susan Corso]

I'm so glad you wrote about these gender warriors, Sue. Bravi to them!

[Stephen Weinstein]

Sue - Your alternet/blog article about GLBT teens was informative and insightful. As I read it on July 4th, when we celebrate the birth of our freedom and independence, it was a reminder that the struggle for these ideals continues. It was a reminder that as humans our insecurities impel us to mold the world to fit a narrow construct rather than value and appreciate the richness of diversity. It was a reminder that a democracy continually requires thoughtful individuals to define and reinforce the meaning of freedom.

[Tracy]

great essay! my 62-year-old lesbian sister in ft. collins, colorado is the advisor to the GSA in the high school where she works, which is an experience she treasures. as much support as the school provides lgbt kids, they still aren't protected from hate speech, threats and violence--even though sometimes the perps are punished. and the range of parental response runs the gamut from loving and advocating for a gay child to being kicked out of the family, as we heard about from gema.
katz, you're always spot-on with the right topic for the moment. i forward your blogs more than any other!
yr fan,
tracy

[Lynda]

Great article Sue!!! I'm always amazed by how threatened some people feel about differences. More surprising is why so many feel the need to actually give a damn about someone else's sexuality.

How many of those doing the most harassing and bashing of alternate sexualities profess to be devout Christians?

For a nation that preaches tolerance of differences, this country sure is one puritanical, closed-minded, INtolerant land!