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11 May 2014


Allen Young

I did not have a crappy mother, but my sister did -- that is, my mother was very rough on my sister, not so rough on me (though there were times when I disliked her). You are brave to write this short, honest and very necessary article, and I am going to post it on Facebook.

sue katz

Interesting what you say about your sister. My mother never gave my brother a hard time. Au contraire. She gave him everything.

 Ryan Hood

Thank you for writing exactly how I feel. Sometimes, the guilt I bear for not giving a darn about my mother is unbearable. My mother, who adopted me when I was two, was purely awful yet refuses to acknowledge her evil ways. The poisonous fruit is an excellent analogy.

sue katz

Dear Ryan, because of the way that society romanticizes motherhood and the family, when your experience doesn't fit the myth, no one thanks you for speaking up. One of the many problems of organizing society around the closed "private" nuclear family is that it becomes that much more dangerous for children - and often for women. I hope you can get past any guilt and just build your own life with people you choose, people who value you. Thanks for writing.


So good to see this said, Sue, even if I didn't get to it til Monday (thanks to Allen for posting it on FB). The best thing I can say about my mother is that we never bonded. This year I managed to avoid most of the sappy, crappy, "just think what you owe your mother" stuff, hence no need for anti-emetics as in past years.

sue katz

I try to say something each year, Miryam, because otherwise some people are left feeling alone or alienated. There's such a fetish around motherhood that too many people with bad memories feel something is the matter with them.

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