Sue Katz: Consenting Adult

Reading Me

I’ve had a number of things published recently, but those of you who aren’t on Facebook probably don’t know about them. In case you’re interested, here’s where to check them out:

My piece on my complicated reaction to the Supreme Court marriage decision was published on lgbtsr.org. It’s called “Susie and the Supreme Court” and you can read it here.

Check out my flash fiction (VERY short story) entitled “If Only” that was published on a literary site called Brilliant Flash Fiction. Read it here.


This is a regular length short story. The editor of Blotter accepted it unusually fast, saying that he was glad he liked the story, because I already had him at the title. It’s called “The Cold Butch and the Carpetbagger." Read it here.

Finally, writer/editor Stephanie Shroeder interviewed me about Lillian’s Last Affair for an online magazine called “50 is the new 50.” Read it here.

Hitting the Rainbow Ceiling: Yet Again

I’m studying West Coast Swing, or rather I’m trying hard to. I’ve been seriously involved in partner dancing since about 1989, during the birth in London of what would become a world-wide movement of queer dancers. For years I danced as a leader (Ballroom and Latin dances) – often six times a week. To do so, I had to shatter a lot of rainbow ceilings. (photo: with Vicki in the 90s)

 
Now, 25 years later, I’m being squashed by yet another rainbow ceiling in my dance and I can’t bear it. I don’t want to deal with it. I want it to evaporate. Don’t think I have always shied away from the good fight, though.

Here are some of the dance rainbow ceilings I shattered since 1990. I was the first woman to perform an official UK Showcase as a leader. It was with my teacher Ralf and I believe we did the West Coast Swing (an older version). I danced as leader in the ostensibly straight dance school of two of Europe’s top teachers, Glenn and Heather. Many of the women students did not want me to touch them as we rotated partners in the lessons, but I was saved by one (thanks Diane) who stepped up and filled those gruesome gaps. This was in the very early 90s. I won my International bronze, silver, and gold medals as a leader. On my 45th birthday (22 years ago!) I started a tradition of queer balls by using my birthdays as an excuse to raise money for movement groups I admired. I performed as a leader in the first Scottish Pride and many other events with a brilliant male follower, about a foot taller than me. I might have been the first dyke to lead in social dancing on the floor of the famous Blackpool ballroom – with the exquisite dancer Wonnita who went on to become a top dance teacher and run with her partner a fabulous women’s Ballroom and Latin dance club called Hilda’s in London.

None of this came without a price. I absorbed pushback and insults and homophobia and sexism and nasty remarks and disbelief and outrage every step of the way. Those things didn’t just roll off my back, believe me, but the growth of the safe haven of a LGBTQ dance community with superb teachers to support my obsession with dancing kept my feet moving.

I tell you all of this to show that I’ve paid my dues. Over and over and over. I’ve been in the States for 15 years now without finding a permanent dance partner. There is a miniscule queer dance scene, about an event per month, but with low participation and an unambitious proficiency level. In short, I have not really been dancing seriously since arriving here. However, West Coast Swing (a newer version that is virtually a new dance) is very big in New England and it has several aspects that appeal to me:

1. You don’t need a partner. Everyone dances with everyone. Even the competitions are “Jack & Jill” – that is, you pull a name out of a hat and just spontaneously lead and follow.
2. It is casual. There’s virtually no dress code. The women who follow can even wear flats and pants, and certainly not costumes that cost thousands and ridiculous spray tans and lacquered hair as is now the unfortunate norm even in same-sex Ballroom/Latin competitions.
3. It has no syllabus and so is still evolving.
4. Some of the lessons and dances are affordable.

I have written about my first foray to a West Coast Swing club (with lessons) that is less than a block away from my home. There I was met with aggressive hostility by the teacher of the beginners’ class – who is also the owner of the school. He was insulting and rude, even though I had called him earlier to make sure he had no objection to my learning as a leader.

Luckily I found Monday evening lessons at the welcoming “Ballroom in Boston” studio. Other dancers there, including a fine follower named X-, encouraged me to come along to a big club in Harvard Square that meets weekly, which I have been doing for five months religiously. It is comprised of about 80% undergraduate students – that’s people from 18-22 mostly – and then a few grown-ups.

The first time I came the woman at the door explained that it cost $10 but $5 for students. “What about seniors?” I asked. She did a mental double-take – of course they had never had a senior before I suspect – before agreeing, “Okay, discounts for seniors too.” The teachers are welcoming, the organizers are committed to creating a positive environment, but the young women followers are not happy dancing with me. I can see it on their faces as I approach them to ask them to dance. They’re thinking, “Oh jesus, I didn’t come to the club in order to dance with my grandfather.”

I’m an out dyke and I’m 67. There’s nobody like me on the floor. There’s no woman my age and no other butchy woman. There are plenty of women who lead and men who follow – BUT, it’s their secondary role (except for X-). There’s no other woman who leads exclusively. This self-satisfied Cambridge crowd assures me how cool and open the scene is, but last night five different followers turned me down. Five! This despite an etiquette that explicitly forbids refusing someone who asks you to dance.

I told myself that once I was really good it wouldn’t be a problem. However, I cannot get really skilled without dancing all the time and I can’t dance all the time if people don’t want to dance with me. Of course, there are those who do ask me to dance, but they are mostly guys who want to try out following and probably see me as lower stakes than dancing with another man while they’re feeling their way.

“Ballroom in Boston” isn’t like that. It’s mostly grown-ups and there’s never been an issue. The followers are happy to dance with me. The teacher Kirsten says “follower/leader” as naturally as most of the other instructors (sigh) say “ladies/gentlemen” or “gals/guys.” Some of the students even invited me to a private dance party they had.

There are other West Coast lessons to be had, but mostly those are very small groups with hetero-couples who cannot figure out what my problem is. In fact, I have not infrequently been asked by these women, What’s your problem? Or, What do you think you are doing? Or, Why are you acting like a man? To which I answer, Why are you acting like a woman?

I spoke to one of the hipper young teachers at the Harvard Square venue about all the followers turning me down. It’s time to have a talk about etiquette, he said. But that’s not it at all. Straight people aren’t turning each other down. The most awkward unskilled male leaders ask the most dazzling advanced women followers to dance without getting turned down. It’s not about dancing: it is about homophobia and sexism mixed with ageism among these groovy liberals.

I’m horribly depressed about all of this for I didn’t sign up for another rainbow ceiling. I am reluctant to abandon West Coast Swing. This is my exercise, my hobby, my social activity, and I’ve devoted time and money to it. The thought of giving it up is excruciating, but absorbing insults week after week ain’t a piece of cake either. What should I do?

Here's where I'm trying to go:

 

The Mean Parents of Rachel Dolezal

The revelation that Rachel Dolezal, an activist in the African-American community of Spokane, Washington, is actually the daughter of white parents has raised a flurry of complex discussions about the nature of race and the construction of identity. I’ve turned to the commentators I trust most in listening to the discussions, especially Jay Smooth and Melissa Harris-Perry. I’ve read a bunch of articles and skimmed others.

But nowhere has anyone commented about Dolezal’s parents, who “outed” her and pointed to her deception in television interviews.

I watched those parents and found them disconcertingly mean. Although they displayed no outward emotion, I had the impression that they loved being able to call their daughter a liar in front of the media  - and not just once - and ratted on her with quiet glee. They grossed me out. I wonder how their steely judgmental chill affected their daughter. If you haven’t seen these parents and want to, search for the 8 minute CNN interview. Otherwise, here’s a 43 second clip from a different interview:

My Student the Math Genius

Imagine this. My friend Tanya Khovanova won the International Math Olympics. Twice. She is also a comedic math writer and an evangelic promoter of Recreational Math – something which combines a giggle with a Prime Number. She works at MIT.

She won those Gold Medals back when she was representing her home country of Russia, but she has long been here in the States. She was in a writing group I was running when she decided to start a math blog and asked me to work on it with her as her editor. We have an unusual set-up. We sit side-by-side reading through her pieces and I correct them with the editing software Track Changes.

Since math is a language I know nothing about, we are forced to work until her complicated high-level concepts are sufficiently comprehensible to me that I can edit them. As a result, her genius posts, meant for other mathematicians and students of math, have unusual clarity. Two changes have happened. First, she has absorbed all of my editing advice so that she needs me less and less. Second, I’m now steeped in the world of coin problems, integrals, finite groups, sequences, and, most of all, math jokes.

Tanya is a hoot. Here are a few of her jokes.

Twelve different world statisticians studied Russian roulette. Ten of them proved that it is perfectly safe. The other two scientists were unfortunately unable to join the final discussion.
* * *
Do you know a statistics joke?
Probably, but it's mean!
* * *
A traffic policeman stops a car:
—You’re going 70 in a 35 miles-per-hour zone.
—But there are two of us!
* * *
The most popular tweet, "Live your life so that you do not have time for social networks."
* * *

Recently Tanya’s writing was included in The Best Writing on Mathematics 2014. This is truly an achievement, considering that English is not her first language. In announcing this honor, she wrote an interesting short piece about her long reluctance to write (“Writing in English is easier for me than writing in Russian because when I make a mistake, I have an excuse.”). She generously mentions our work together. I recommend you check this out – and check out her blog altogether.

Book Review: The Ways of White Folks by Langston Hughes

I have a bad habit. When someone recommends a book or – especially – a short story that they adore, I just click onto my expansive library site and order it. Sometimes this results in an insurmountable pile of books next to my bed. Sometimes this results in reading so many books at one time (including those I listen to in the car) that I end up finishing none of them.

Someone on Facebook mentioned a brilliant short story by Langston Hughes, a writer well-known for his poetry but whose prose I adore and admire. (I don’t read much poetry unless it’s by Verandah Porche or Charles Coe.) I had to do quite a search until I found a collection that contained that story. By the time my branch procured it from whichever other library in its network held The Ways of White Folks, I had forgotten which story I was intending to read. So I’ve read them all.

I have heard Black people say often that their survival can depend on knowing with precision the ways of white people, while keeping in mind that too often white people don’t have a clue about the sub-texts of Black lives. These stories are bulging with insights into white attitudes, into conscious (“Home”) and unconscious (“Poor Little Black Fellow”) racism. Hughes infiltrates deeply into the psyche of race during the 1920s-30s and by talking about white people, reveals something profound about the environment in which Black Americans must function. (Photo: Gordon Parks 1943)

I saw Toni Morrison, another writer I hold in high regard, speak when she was promoting her book Home. I wrote about the experience including this: “When asked how she achieves her books’ unique points of view, she said, “To take away the gaze of the white male. Once you take that out, the whole world opens up.” She suggested that this is a common approach of top black women writers, but not of African-American male writers, who are more likely to be wrestling with a prominent white male character.”

Langston Hughes does wrestle with white men in some of the stories in this collection. However, in several important stories, Hughes also speaks from the point of view of kindly bourgeoisie white women who take a talented young Black person under their wing with copious expectations and self-satisfaction. Check out the powerful “The Blues I’m Playing” for the interplay between the talented, independent-minded pianist Oceola Jones and her patron Mrs. Dora Ellsworth. Class, in fact, figures quite broadly in these stories, a number of which focus on characters who are musicians. The exploitation of Black women’s bodies is another strong theme as well, not the least in “Red-Headed Baby,” as painful a read as any story in this book.

Thanks to whomever it was that sent me on the search that led to this volume. I hope that I’m paying back the favor by encouraging others to read The Ways of White Folks.

I Was at the White House Conference on Aging

Well, sort of. I wasn’t at THE White House Conference on Aging (which is to be held in July): I was at the fifth and final regional consultation forum leading up to the actual Conference. I was recommended for the Conference by SAGE (Services & Advocacy for GLBT Elders). My job was to bring up the particular needs and realities of LGBTQ people, to inject the queer into the conversation. I applied and was accepted, putting down my “affiliation” as writer.

It was held at the new Edward M. Kennedy Institute, sitting with sibling congeniality next door to the JFK Library on the University of Massachusetts campus. The main hall is a replica of the US Senate chamber, holding 100 comfy seats with desks, ringed by a balcony of stiff observer seats. Lacking a red dot on my name tag, I was ordered upstairs. AARP was the co-sponsor and provided copious, decent snacks and lunch. Instead of just cookies at the break, for instance, they also offered energy bars and trail mix.

There were two panels filled with worthies to start off the day. I was struck by their demographics:

**Taken as a whole, the speakers were a lot younger than the group they were talking about.
**There were no “users” on the panels, only “professionals.”
**The majority of the speakers were white women.

Here’s a short report of my personal experience of trying to inject LGBTQ content, followed by some salient points from some of the speakers.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

I had prepared my question and dutifully copied it out on the postcard that came in our pack, but the volunteer usher who collected it stood around in the balcony with a bunch in her hand instead of handing it in for consideration. Luckily Lisa Krinsky's (Director of Boston’s terrific LGBT Aging Project) question about cultural competency and treating LGBT people with dignity did get asked.

In our breakout session on Elder Justice we were divided into six smaller groups to come up with a priority/challenge/solution. I talked a lot about breaking the isolation of LGBTQ seniors, especially those who are closeted, and about other marginalized groups. I saw to it that I was one of the people reporting back to the room to ensure that LGBTQ concerns get written down. However, in the end the leaders homogenized the varied concerns of the six smaller groups into one single “most important” priority. That is, they made mush out of nuanced issues. You know: more resources; more public awareness. Blah blah.

In the final, most interesting plenary session, filmed "for the White House," they opened the mic and at last “the people" were able to speak. It was enlightening to hear from the participants – and to finally see the passion activists have about their varied issues. One nursing home resident basically said, “Nothing about us without us.” A woman spoke about encouraging seniors to prepare for Guardianship. We learned that half of people over 65 live in communities with no public transportation whatsoever. And that 90% of trips taken by folks 65+ are by car, leaving them devastated when they can no longer drive.

I had snuck into the main chamber in order to be positioned to make a jump for the mic. I spoke about isolation, marginalization, and the necessity to use increased resources to reach groups like isolated LGBTQs and undocumented immigrants. I talked about the LGBTQ generation before mine – people who had never been “out” in their lives – and how they would experience senior services/institutions. I talked about people of color and others who did not necessarily see the social worker or the criminal justice system as a place to turn to. I regret that I neglected to raise two important aging issues: sexuality and HIV.

Afterwards about six or seven gay people came up to personally thank me – and I refrained from asking them why they had not themselves spoken up. Two (assumedly naive) people said, How great that Obama is going to see this footage and hear what you said.

In the end, I felt I had successfully accomplished a bit of my mission.

However, queers are decidedly not on the radar of the main speakers and the bigwigs, to say the least. Issues of poverty, race, gender, and sexuality were hardly referenced by the experts (except for one panelist, Jeanette Takamura, Dean of Columbia University Social Work). No one said the word "ageism" until the end of the day. That was disheartening.

OVERVIEW OF THE SPEAKERS

The day’s Superstar is Senator Elizabeth Warren, who scores the only two standing ovations – bringing a spark of passion to a day that will be very “conferency.” The first comes the moment she opens the door and enters – people jump and cheer – and the second is for saying, “This is not the moment to talk about cutting Social Security; this is the moment to talk about strengthening Social Security.” In between she champions Medicare and Medicaid, tells us that 1/3 of all people near retirement have no savings, and raises the alarm on conflicts of interest among financial people selling retirement plans and getting kickbacks. I am most gratified by her point that beefing up Social Security “is not only about honoring our promises to our seniors, it is also about honoring our promises to our young people” since all of us are aging. We learned that from the disability movement: improved accessibility helps everyone.

Caregiver (and Union member) Kindalay Cummings-Akers, introduces Congressperson Stephen Lynch (both pictured on left), after talking about the real challenges of her profession, not the least the restrictions by Medicare on who gets care at home. Lynch, himself a champion of elder services and of improved employment circumstances for carers, looks at the implications of our increased life expectancy.

Therese McMillan, from the US Department of Transportation, gives a fascinating peek at how good public transportation can make a difference in the lives of older people. When seniors were asked what they’d most want near their house, the majority said “bus stop.” People who regularly use public transportation walk more than those who drive, countering the sedentary lifestyle which she says is “the biggest threat to health.” (Writers are done for!) Poor neighborhoods are often “food deserts” – where fast food and liquor stores dominate: public transportation helps people get to fresh fruit/vegs. I love her concept of “extending the ladders of opportunity”: mobile seniors help others through volunteering, childcare, etc.

We are told by Maine’s Judith Shaw that elders who are victims of abuse are three times more likely to die in the three years following their victimization than their general group. John Friedman of Brown University says that a generation ago three out of four workers had a work pension: now three out of four don’t.

I am a bit put off by the injection of rapacious corporations into the proceedings. We are subjected to a CVS “retail pharmacist” and a Bank of America/Merrill Lynch (!!) spokesman bragging about how well they take care of their senior customers. (The two corporate representatives were both men of color – the only ones on the panels.) I was unhappy, too, with remarks by Brigitte Madrian, a “public policy and corporate management” professor from Harvard, who couldn’t bear the idea that people were able to tap into their own retirement savings before retirement – as if people in crisis are frivolous.

Sylvia Burwell, Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services, pointed out that 2015 is a big anniversary year: the 50th anniversary of Medicare, Medicaid, and the Older Americans Act, as well as the 80th anniversary of Social Security. The department’s present emphasis is on the prevention of heart attacks / strokes, the #1 USA killer.

Two hours into the day and there has been no mention of the impact on aging of poverty, gender, race, or sexuality. Disability was only mentioned in terms of transportation.

The second panel, including two participants of color, consists of all physicians (in senior roles) and one PhD. We’ll start with her. Jeanette Takamura (on left) is the first woman Dean at the School of Social Work at Columbia University. She is the bright light of the day for me. She’s got an impressive CV of significant work around older people, including the development and enactment of a modernized Older Americans Act. Takamura is the first to mention women and the LGBT community – and also the first to raise the crucial issue of political will on the federal, state, and local levels. She says the money needs to follow the person. She points out that by 2043, the majority of Americans will be people of color. I am surprised to learn that private (for-profit) long-term care companies are not expanding: they’re contracting. Later, in response to the question of the LGBT Aging Project, Takamura talks about the “micro-aggressions” people of color and gay people suffer all their lives and gives a “macro-aggression” example from her own life. (“She speaks English so well!”)

Ellen Flaherty from the Dartmouth Center for Health and Aging talks about rural elders. Rural communities are older and more isolated than urban ones. She is full of suggested solutions: For long-term care, shift Medicaid spending from nursing homes to home care. Improve the conditions of caregivers. And use technology for fall detectors, for Tai Chi lessons via Skype, etc. I am surprised at her emphasis on solutions using the Internet because my experience of rural connectivity has not been impressive.

Every profession has its jargon and I repeatedly heard two buzz phrases new to me: “health confidence” and “activated patients.”  I can only guess at their meaning. I fear “health confidence” is somehow a similar construct to “food insecurity,” which means “We don’t know where the hell our next meal is coming from.” As for “activated patients,” your guess is as good as mine.

Finally, thank you to the three brilliant people from the LGBTQ seniors movement who got me involved. Terri Clark forwarded me the Conference announcement. Terri has encouraged my involvement in this work from the time I met her in Philadelphia where she does education work around HIV and also around senior sexuality. Serena Worthington (Director of National Field Initiatives at SAGE), who ran the LGBT Elder day-long session at the Creating Change conference in Denver with such panache, provided my recommendation. And Aaron Tax, SAGE’s Director of Federal Government Relations, sent me useful educational materials.

Here's the Conference trailer (very different optics than the session I was at).