Sue Katz: Consenting Adult

Nasty-Assed Ads

“Law & Order” is often my white noise when I’m doing the dishes or eating a meal. Apparently the re-runs assume an audience of my age peers, because the ads are usually for memory boosters or arthritis dampers.

Today a commercial break begins with a grimacing man naked under his robe, his foot up on the bathroom sink, and his arm reaching back into his crotch. Suddenly, a woman’s voice and person pops up saying, “Guys, we need to talk about your hairy balls.” This very phenomenon ("trimming balls") is news to me, although I admit my balls expertise is limited. The word, repeated multiple times, is jarring to hear on TV. But who is demanding bald balls?

Got one minute to learn about ball shaving?

As if that weren’t sufficiently surreal, another crotch-focused ad followed immediately. This one for pussy deodorant. Companies have been trying for decades to turn women’s crotches into swampy, smelly cesspools, and according to a completely random survey of my besties, they have never succeeded. But if they can afford an ad on “Law & Order,” they must be moving a lot of this misogynist product.

Wanna see their nasty-assed ad?

The anti-sex, body-shaming message of both these ads is that however you exist naturally, it simply ain’t good enough. More than that, your body is disgusting. Trim this, stifle that – otherwise your life will suck.

In fact, I find these ads so offensive that I’m hoping to once again hear about cancer meds, the meaning of “a1c” levels, and life insurance for $9.99 a month.

PS: A friend thought these must be Saturday Night Live skits. But no, I did really really see these ads during an afternoon “Law & Order.”

Madeline Davis (July 7, 1940 – April 28, 2021)

I did not know that Madeline was a famous, beloved political and cultural pioneer when we first connected. I did not know that she created the foundation for a class-conscious lesbian and feminist movement in Buffalo, a town much like my own hometown Pittsburgh – dying industrial cities. I did not know that Madeline served as the first open lesbian delegate (for George McGovern) at the 1972 Democratic National Convention.

I met her online. Which sounds today like a normal thing to do, but was very unusual in 1995. I was living in London and after breaking my leg at work, I was shut in for a month dragging around a teal-colored cast. I decided to write a booklet about lesbians and aging (yes, it’s been my topic for a very long time). I devised a survey and went about trying to get it distributed by email among lesbians. I was making it up as I went along, because I myself had not yet seen or filled out any kind of digital survey. Email was just becoming popular.

For context, I need to explain that these were the days of dial-up, a noisy, slow, annoying way to access the Internet. To help date my effort, let me point out that Wikipedia was only launched in January, 2001; it was in 2005 that the term “WiFi” became sufficiently popular to enter the Merriam-Webster English Dictionary; it wasn’t until 2008 that Facebook began getting more hits than MySpace.

Somewhere there are floppy discs with the many answers that I received back from women. None was more interesting than the response I got from a Buffalo girl named Madeline Davis. Her thoughtful, insightful ideas led us to a continuous email conversation about politics, class (we were both working class), and art. Sometimes we even talked by phone, although trans-Atlantic calls were an expensive and rare indulgence.

When I was mobile again, I decided to fly to the States for Thanksgiving and Madeline invited me to stop in Buffalo for a few days to visit her and her life-partner Wendy. They picked me up at the airport in the middle of what seemed like a major snowstorm, but which to these Buffalo residents seemed like a Tuesday. Instead of going straight to their house, we stopped at a strip mall in front of a department-store-sized pet shop. I lived abroad for 24 years so I was unaccustomed to what had happened with super-sized American retail box stores. I remember how the size of the store blew my mind. We loaded up the car with huge bags of cat food and kitty litter and drove to their house.

But there was a conundrum. The cats lived on the second floor and between Madeline and Wendy there wasn’t a single working knee able to easily mount those steps lugging a burden. I volunteered to carry up the bags, one by one, and so I cemented a warm welcome from the cats. One of those cats was very old and sick. Madeline and Wendy took me to a healing session with friends of theirs. I believe one friend, in particular, led some chanting and blessings I couldn’t understand, and comforted the two women. Madeline herself was a Reiki Master who conducted these kinds of sessions, it turned out. I was totally out of my element. I had never owned a furry pet, nor had I ever attended an event in which a group of women talked in spiritual terms. I was (and am) a socialist, atheist, ass-kicking materialist – in the Marxist sense that I believe what I can see and touch. I don’t have a religious or spiritual bone in my body. That session was a fascinating visit to another world.

Madeline turned out to be a true Renaissance woman, who had founded numerous progressive organizations, wrote songs that became gay anthems, co-wrote a beloved book Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community, taught the first university level course on lesbians “Lesbianism 101,” and that very year was featured on the poster for a tattoo show. It was selected as the Best Color Poster of the year by the Commercial Printers & Publishers Association. I wish I still had the copy that Madeline and Wendy gave me.

The visit was unforgettable. Their hospitality to a stranger from abroad was generous. Wendy and Madeline got a chuckle out of the butch/femme pillow cases I brought them from London (which Wendy just today reminded me of). Their house was super-comfy, their relationship was a joy, and they were surrounded by loving friends.

We are losing our founders and it is one of the difficult aspects of aging. The loss hits the community hard, and that community extends to the several generations impacted by Madeline’s revolutionary, innovative legacy. I have learned so much about Madeline since I learned of her death and read the tributes pouring in. If you want to know more, you can start here at her Wiki page.

My deepest condolences to Wendy.

The Queen's Gambit: My Mixed Feelings

I know that "The Queen's Gambit" is all the rage, and, yes, it is one of the few series that I watched all the way through in perhaps three sittings. But as riveting as it is, I have some problems with it. This is a show about a woman, based on a book written by a man, with three male series writers, and a male director. In the right hands, that would not necessarily have been an issue, but I was bothered by how drenched it was in the male point of view. For me it wasn’t so much the male gaze as the male leer. (What was the point of view of centering the camera on her ass as she danced alone in her underwear in her own home?) And I wasn’t surprised to hear that most critics believe the main character had a great deal in common with the life of Bobby Fischer, a misogynist prick. ("They're terrible chess players... I guess they're just not so smart... I don't think they should mess into intellectual affairs, they should keep strictly to the home"—CBC)

Beth Harmon is a brilliant child prodigy and adult champion in chess. She has big eyes, a great sense of 60s fashion, and takes to leaning her chin in her palm in a fetching manner. She somehow attracts women and men who want to save her, serve her, and adore her, although she seems totally incapable of returning the favor. Beth is all about Beth, given to either dreamy or drunk or stoned monologues, and on the few occasions where she actually responds to another person, she is likely to be rude and brief.

I found it hard to stomach that she never cuts her chess teacher Mr. Shaibel into her success, although she mentions him. The first gesture of gratitude to this custodian at the orphanage where she lived, comes after his death.

The series packs a visual wallop. Every shot is carefully and skillfully framed, so much so that sometimes I felt it was a period-perfect series of stills. The episodes gallop along, clutching your attention all the time, until the 6th and 7th final episodes which were so repetitive and drawn out that my viewing partner wondered if they had changed it from a 5- to a 7-part series last minute and had to stretch out the narrative. For example, in the final chess battle, in Moscow, we see her exit the hall the first day to several women wanting her autograph. The next day, a dozen. The next day, fifty. The next day, a crowd. The next day, a mob. We got the point.

Sexually, she is an object of lust to all the men she beats in chess. Even a gay journalist wants her for a minute. She herself floats through life without sexual passion in her stylized outfits and big eyes, when she isn’t hiding in her home drinking and drugging herself into isolated oblivion, always to be saved by one of her admirers. She sleeps with one woman, but I don’t count it because it was only after getting stupid drunk on the night before the finals of a tournament.

I know they purport to examine mental health and substance misuse, but really the camera obsesses over her oversized eyes and caresses her increasingly stylish outfits. Beth Harmon is not a character I could believe, let alone love.

I found "The Queen's Gambit" suitably diverting, quirky, and just long enough to fit into pauses from following the Covid and breaking news. But I was also annoyed by the lack of authenticity around the inner life of this character.

Here’s the trailer:

Secret Love: Film Review

Prepare your hanky and your deepest thoughts about the future when you watch the poignant Netflix documentary Secret Love. Director Chris Bolan traces his great-aunt, Terry Donahue, and her life partner, Pat Henschel, from their love-at-first-sight romance in the 40s through their struggle as ailing elders. Bolan’s mother Diana is the third major figure of the film, as she struggles with Pat over the best way to support Aunt Terry in her decline.

The lovers met the year I was born, 1947, while Terry was a Canadian star of the Peoria Redwings – a team in the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League (which inspired A League of Their Own.) They only came out to Terry’s beloved family in 2009, living in a sometimes brutal, if love-filled closet, all that time. With remarkable footage and stills from back in the day, we see how they constructed a life in Chicago of fierce devotion, building friendships with other queers. The film shorts us on what this life was: we see only one dinner shared with a couple of gay men who are clearly central to their community, but we are given no sense of how the advent of gay liberation, with its new institutions and cultural opportunities, affected them – as it surely did.

The ways in which homophobia impacted them is encapsulated by Diane’s discovery of Pat’s love letters to Terry, from which the bottom signature has been ripped off to protect their identity. Pat is alienated from her own family, but unfortunately not entirely embraced by Terry’s. The reasons why they came out so late to Terry’s family remain under-explored, but we get a hint when one niece is outraged at having been deprived of this information (it’s all about her) while she is scandalized that they are living in sin. Pat is only too aware that in this family she is mainly seen as an impediment to Terry’s return to Canada, and not always as the solicitous life-partner she has been.

If gay people had made this film, it might have looked very different. The years of their Chicago life together and the social fabric they wove would have had more primacy. Their relationship may have remained a secret to the family – and there must have been good reason for that – but surely they were more open within the life they built for themselves.

On a personal level, the film reminded me of how our worlds shrink if we make it to old age, with our peers dead or ailing or retired in Florida or returned to distant home towns. Those with younger family members who give a shit have a lifeline, but those of us without close bio families are too often thrown onto the trash-heap of impersonal if not homophobic social services. We pioneers have failed to build any solid intergenerational network. The LGBTQ movement seems to have more cross-generational disdain, in both directions, than connection.

I wept throughout this film, most especially at the barriers to their love, prior to the 70s, and then at what ill health does to this couple’s independence. Sufficient hard-earned savings and Terry’s family’s concern allow them safe solutions in which to thrive. But I wept for those without money or loyal young people to shepherd them to the end.

The trailer:

Headcase: LGBTQ Writers and Artists on Mental Health and Wellness

Headcase: LGBTQ Writers and Artists on Mental Health and Wellness

Editors: Stephanie Schroeder and Teresa Theophano

I know little about the subject of mental health and would have been unlikely to be aware of this remarkable book if I hadn’t already been familiar with the ground-breaking work of one of the co-editors, Stephanie Schroeder, who produced this anthology with co-editor Teresa Theophano for Oxford University Press.

It is a rare collection in which each piece meets, in its own unique way, an extraordinarily high standard. The first sentence of the Foreword by Kai Cheng Thom draws the reader straight into real life: “I am several months behind deadline on writing this foreword: first, there were the implications of a mental health crisis of my own, then...”

Each contributor has an intimacy with the issues of mental health that has turned them into self-aware experts on their own conditions. And each has something illuminating to say about what the co-editors call “the evolution of queer identity as it interfaces with mental health.” Because the complications of being queer and needing help are so “downright crazymaking,” they say, they have reclaimed the word Headcase – a term as strong as the writing and the fight for health we go on to read about.

Through personal essays, professional approaches, graphic illustrations, photos, and poetry, we gain an insight into their worlds, not the least the inadequacies of the healthcare system and the often extended but life-saving search for the right medicines. Stephanie Schroeder discusses these both in her essay “Crowdsourcing my Antipsychotic” – a tale that gallops along like a fast-paced thriller, as she fights past a nauseating array of obstacles in her attempt to find and to fund the drug that can save her, despite the indifference of Big Pharma. Such difficulties in getting what is necessary turn up in many of the book’s pieces. J. R. Sullivan Voss’s emotional graphic story “Sisyphus (Or: Rocks Fall and Everyone Dies)” takes us into mental hospitals where torturous over-medication is the rule.

This is not a collection of dense academics nor is it dripping with jargon. It is a showcase of talented, gripping work. Eliza Gauger’s six complex “Problem Glyphs” are personalized illustrations called sigils that play the role, she says, of “a sort of occult advice column.” Some pieces are written by lovers, friends, and relatives of those struggling to gain their mental health. In “Erasure,” Gabriella M. Belfiglio briefly but potently narrates the experience of visiting her precious sister in what sounds like a high security mental hospital. She tells us: “Cell by cell, I’ve been watching her die for more than two-thirds of my life.” Juan Antonio Trujillo in a half a page describes his own mental acrobatics as he talks with delicacy to a fragile friend, in “Border / Lines.”

For many of the contributors, gaining control of their mental health leads to valuable achievements. I was transfixed by an amazing story of intertwined feminist and lesbian self-discovery by a mother and daughter in “Not Our Fault” by Chana Wilson. Co-editor Teresa Theophano speaks with full candor in a section called Stories of Survival. She tells us in “The Family Legacy Ends Here” that “surviving trauma has freed me.” Later she writes, “Emerging from those years of darkness has enabled me to participate more fully and with much more confidence in the organizing and community-building work that is my passion – especially now…”

Against my initial expectations, Headcase is an energizing read, full of pain and wit and joy. I have kept it by my bed and dipped in every evening, to learn, to be awed, and to be grateful. I have asked my local public library to order it and I suggest you do the same. I have one warning however – and it is a problem I see in many books put out by University presses. To save on the expense (i.e. number of pages), the font is miniscule and demanded my strongest reading glasses. The rewards, though, are humongous.

Review: Legal Tender: Women & The Secret Life of Money by Christian McEwen

I fell in love with this book the first moment I held it in my hand. It’s petite – just 4 1/2” x 6” and has just 142 little pages. It fits into the back pocket of my jeans. And it is filled with the most riveting “confessions” by all sorts of women about money.

I found myself dipping into this pearl of a book, reluctant to finish it. Each woman speaks with the kind of candor that it is rare to hear on this subject. I remember my own mother’s fierce sense of privacy about money – a subject she thought it was rude to bring up. Even when I was applying for college scholarships, she wouldn’t let me see the financial forms she filled in. “It’s none of your business.” My only hint came when my brother, after they had put him through a few college degrees, got his first job. “He pays more in taxes than I make in a year,” my dad said, half with pride, half with resentment.

Money. I was happy to hear other women own up to hiding $5 in every coat pocket, every backpack, every drawer – I do this. I call it my Holocaust syndrome – my “just in case” stash.

Some women talk about how growing up poor impacted their attitude towards money. But remarkably, McEwen even gets people to talk about inherited wealth. Lydia Richardson Pratt, a millionaire from an old money family, complained (boo hoo) that “coming out as lesbian was way easier than coming out as rich.” She brags about how much she adores being affluent.

I liked the bartender who tossed all her change into a big container. “But when I’m really panicky, I’ll sit down and roll my change… You know, I’ve paid my taxes through change I’ve rolled by hand!

A gambler introduces her comments this way: “Most people would rather tell you about blow-jobs they gave to strangers on the highway than talk about money honestly.” She admits that, because of her addiction, “Every day was like torture. I woke up every day and was completely freaked out.”

A freelancer speaks for all of us who write or act or draw or drive for our living: “I think that anyone who works in the freelance world has an inner bag lady who is ready to haunt her.”

Christian McEwen is a writer I have admired since her days in the UK when she was producing very early lesbian anthologies, including Naming the Waves and, with Sue O'Sullivan, Out the Other Side, a book I nearly wore out reading. This little volume Legal Tender from Bauhan Publishing is an utter delight, condensed from 50 interviews, and presented like a gift. Order it here http://www.christianmcewen.com/shop/.

 

An Interview with author Stephanie Schroeder, co-editor of Headcase: LGBTQ Writers & Artists on Mental Health and Wellness

Stephanie Schroeder – writer and peer advocate – and her co-editor Teresa Theophano – writer and social worker – have brought together 38 important pieces of writing on the topic of LGBTQ mental health today in their anthology Headcase: LGBTQ Writers & Artists on Mental Health and Wellness. Stephanie is known for her hard-hitting socially-aware journalism and one other book, her moving memoir.

The enthusiastic reception of Headcase is reflected in its reviews where comments call it “ground-breaking,” “poignant,” “terrific and essential,” and “a diverse democracy of voices.” I spoke to Stephanie Schroeder about the process of putting together such a pioneering work.

 

Question: How did you and your co-editor meet and decide to work together on this project?

Stephanie Schroeder: When Teresa read my memoir Beautiful Wreck: Sex, Lies & Suicide, it resonated with her. She had originated the idea of Headcase and then reached out to me. We hadn’t met before. We’ve been working on Headcase since 2014 and it has been a dream collaboration. We agreed on everything, from the vision to the submission guidelines to the final choices out of hundreds of submissions.

 

Question: Now that the book is out and you have just finished a national book tour, are you still friends?

Stephanie Schroeder (on left in black shirt): Yes! Not only have we stayed friends, we also plan to co-write another book focusing on LGBTQ suicide.

 

Question: How did you decide what to include in Headcase?

Stephanie Schroeder: We chose selections on the strength of their writing and content. We ensured a broad demographic around age, race & ethnicity, sexual orientation & gender identity, socio-economic status, geography, and diverse viewpoints. Some are grounded in an anti-psychiatry position while others are from a more conventional treatment viewpoint. We included essays, poetry, fiction, visual artwork, and a 13-panel comic written by a young transperson who documented their days in the hospital for mental health issues.

 

Question: Why is this anthology necessary?

Stephanie Schroeder: Because LGBTQ peers and consumers of mental health services are under-represented in the literature. Most books are written by professionals for professionals or clinicians for clinicians. We believe that LGBTQ peers are experts about our own care. And in fact nothing like this book has ever existed before. It is truly a vanguard work in the field of mental health literature.

 

To learn more, check out the Headcase anthology online and on Facebook:

www.headcaseanthology.com

Facebook: Headcaseanthology

Review: ayiti by Roxane Gay

Gay’s short stories – some very short, some traditional – are compact, hard-hitting, spare, and strong. This debut collection ayiti is quickly read, but stays with you, clinging to your nerves and your heart. Written from the perspective of a woman in the Haitian diaspora, it introduced me to an intimate glimpse of Haitian life. One of the longer and more formidable tales, “Of Ghosts and Shadows,” reminded me painfully of my own experience of teenage girl love. I only knew of Gay’s essay collection Bad Feminist and her social commentary, but now I am going to consume all of her fiction and memoir.

"Alleged Lesbian Activities" - a review

The New Orleans-based ensemble Last Call brought Alleged Lesbian Activities to Boston thanks to our incomparable The Theatre Offensive. This production asks: What happened to all the lesbian bars? And examines what our lives were like back when the underground bars – sleazy, criminal, and too often raided – were the only venues where we could gather.

Alleged Lesbian Activities drew sell-out crowds for five performances at Jacques Cabaret, a dive bar in what used to be known as Boston’s Combat Zone when it was surrounded by other queer bars, topless joints, and the sex trade in the ‘50s and ‘60s. I remember it well because I ‘grew up’ as a baby dyke in Jacques from the late ‘60s. At age 22, I met one of the great loves of my life in that bar, after secretly slipping her a copy of Lavender Vision, one of the first gay liberation publications of the new movement, put out by my collective. I haven’t been back there since the 1970s.

For the show, the place is renamed as Franki’s. We are introduced to a cast of seven lesbians – from the bartender for whom the bar is named (played brilliantly by co-director/creator indee mitchell) to the brash cabaret MC Privacy (played by Hannah Pepper-Cunningham who dramatically greeted audience members as we found our seats) to the predatory teacher Karen who brings her young students to the bar (played lustfully by Rebecca Elizabeth Hollingsworth) to the suave keyboard musician Slim (played by the talented Kei Slaughter.) Together they all try to navigate the reality of being squeezed into this one oasis. As there are no other options in town, they must sort out their issues around race, class, butch and femme. The economic realities of running a lesbian bar (while paying off the cops) is underpinned by the cluelessness of some of the white women, the threat of a raid at any moment, and the complicated inter-personals.

With talent galore, the members of Last Call sing, act, and invite in the recorded voices of old New Orleans dykes who talk about life in those bars. “The bars saved me. The clubs let you be who you were, not like the outside,” says one. “The bar was my safe haven,” says another. Says one black lesbian about the bar she frequented, “I never went there by myself: it just wasn’t comfortable. I didn’t want to be the only one.” Says another, “It not just about keeping the bar open: it’s about keeping it black.”

Last Call clearly listened to the women they interviewed, as they seamlessly touch on confusions about butch/femme identity in the days when it was illegal not to wear three pieces of “appropriate” gendered clothing; as they talk about exclusions from churches and the need to find a substitute community in the bars; and as Franki tries to impress on her patrons the proper codes of conduct when cruising in the bar.

I was amazed to read on the inside cover of the program the story of the first Gay Pride March in Boston in June of 1971 (lesbian liberation marched in Boston the year before), including the list of demands to Jacques that my friends and I constructed back then. These included a women-only space upstairs, unlocked fire escapes, and cleaner bathrooms (for after all, we made the acquaintance of many of our girlfriends in the line to the toilets).

Kudos to The Theatre Offensive for bringing us Last Call’s Alleged Lesbian Activities – for me it was an unexpected stroll down memory lane and for the friend I went with who is in her 20s, it was a peek into the life of generations past.

Women of Hollywood: Cut it out!

The women of Hollywood are all about Times Up! and Me Too! and let’s have 50% of all crews be women and all that. Welcome to my world (one we feminists have inhabited since the late '60s).

However, as long they are wearing shoes that cripple them and dresses that don’t fit into limousines and need men to help them up a god-damned half flight of stairs to the awards stage, then something just doesn’t ring true. We know they are walking advertisements for diamond dealers and couture designers and plastic surgeons. But if you’re going to talk about justice, even if you’re only talking about equality and parity (modest goals), then wear stuff that allows you to get from A to B on your own.

I remember when the women’s movement was at its height, there were many stars who turned up in pant suits and jump suits and were actually able to ambulate. Even if the garb is silly and over-the-top like Streisand’s outfit at left, at least she can walk on her own. Cut the crap with all this foot binding and body squeezing and humongous skirts. Otherwise, we don’t believe for a second that you will walk your talk.